Dealing With Denial

Well I’m feeling better but my lower back is very weak and achy from too many hours horizontal and sitting with no activity. I’m still extremely tired.

I wanted to clarify something ... on the weekend, I mentioned I had gotten ‘over the hump’ ... what I was referring to was the awful drug induced haze that comes with the chemo and anti–nausea drugs. The fatigue is different again. I can be very tired and feel O.K. but when you feel physically ill from the drugs and are tired ... that is very different. Sunday morning I woke up with a clearer head meaning the drugs had worked their way out of my body ... but I was and am still very weak.

It is so important to me that I try and share my true experience ... without being too ‘rosy’ or to ‘blue’ ... which brings me to .... I’m finding that some people are getting the true reality of my illness and some are not.

I think some people believe that you get treatment and you get better and if you don’t fit that model ... well it’s just not reality. They want to return to a sense of 'normalcy' ... so their attitude appears to be ... get with the program, lets fix this and move on. Unfortunately, that is just not how my illness works.

I know I am responsible for how people perceive my illness because of what I say to them. I am the one sending the message and it’s my responsibility that they receive the message. On the other hand, the psychologists at the Cancer Institute do say that if a person is in denial ... you may never get the message through to them.

For the people that read my blog, I think I’m sending the right message but it’s the people that don’t read the blog that I’m struggling with.