Yesterday I received a letter from the insurance company that my disability was extended past the two year mark. Tho the letter brought good news ... I burst into tears. At the bottom of the letter was a familiar name ... cc’d to someone I worked with in HR. I was flooded with thoughts of how much I enjoyed my work and the people I worked with. I am missed the interaction, the challenges, the opportunities ... I miss feeling like I am contributing to something meaningful.
Last week I had coffee with the Sears group and I mentioned to the ladies that I no longer had that urge to go back to work ... that I had filled my life with other things now. I guess that was BS. I do miss work... I miss it a lot.
Well after shedding a few tears I said to myself ... remember, you are very fortunate to have disability insurance. I needed to remind myself how many people with cancer are also in a financial bind. After giving myself that short lecture ... my moodiness is over.
10 comments:
ahhh, dear one...you are entitled to be moody whenever you please....
Cancer brings many losses...this is one of them. It's okay to cry over loss. I retired due to age, not to cancer, but even so I miss my co-workers.
I do understand about you missing work, the interactions, the challenges. And that's allowed.
But never, never for one moment think that you are no longer making a contribution. This blog of yours has helped so many people. Lots of them may never let you know how much you have helped them but believe me, they are out there. So on behalf of all of them, THANK YOU!!!!
You really are incredible... I have been ready for awhile, but first time I commented.
I miss my work too.
Mostly, I miss the energy that was an integral element of everything I did.
I miss the impact I felt I was having on the world. I worked for non-profits and I just wanted to make the world a better place.
Work is such an integral part of "normal" life, of course it's missed. I think even people who dislike their jobs actually miss the interaction/routine/activity.
FWIW, I loved my jobs
Daria, I understand how you feel. I miss work, too. But through your blog, you just may be contributing more to more people than you ever could by working at your previous job. God sometimes creates a bend in our little road in order to direct us along a different path, one that ultimately leads to a much greater "contribution" to others. :)
It's okay to miss who you were before cancer. I'm glad you allowed yourself to cry and if the mood strikes again, cry again.
Karen is right, your blog helps others and contributes to helping others make meaning of their experiences. I think maybe what you're missing is the face-to-face interaction - online friendships, while great - don't quite measure up to chatting with someone in real time.
When your energy allows, would you be able to volunteer somewhere?
You are always such a positive person, telling us what is going well or not-so-well, but never really complaining about it.
I stopped work when I had my children. I still miss it and hope to go back when my youngest is in Kindergarten, but I miss the interaction nonetheless!
Bitch if you want, really bitch, and get it out. We're all here to listen!!! xoxo
Post a Comment