Chemo Today

My day started at 3:30 am due to the steroids. I did some blogging and some ironing and before I knew it, it was time to go for chemo at 9:00 am. I just got back as it took a good four hours. The previous two times, I was out in three hours ... it can vary ... likely due to how busy they are. I decided not to take the DVD player and a movie but instead I worked on math problems for my course.

Chemo itself went well with nothing really to report. I feel pretty good and will feel better when I take the two steroids at 5:00 pm. That should easily get me through my 3 hour course tonight.

Tonight's sleep will definitely be a struggle ... but there is always more ironing and blogging of course or should I say blogging with a possibility of ironing. Yes that is more like it.

Oncologist Visit

Just came back from the Cancer Institute. I had blood work done for tomorrow's chemo. Everything looks good to go.

My husband came with me to the oncologist appointment and he gave away some of my secrets. I am more tired than I have been letting on and the oncologist has decided to cut back my dosage a bit. She says this is normal. Chemo dosages are often adjusted to ensure quality of life and that is what we are looking for ... quality of life. The oncologist also wanted to give me an extra week and delay my chemo this cycle. I asked that we make that decision next cycle because I have my course exam in four weeks and the way the cycle runs right now work s better then if we changed it.

I am sad to have the chemo dosage dropped because I'd rather go full tilt on this cancer. On the bright side, I should have more energy.

To be honest, I don't do much at all and especially this past cycle, I haven't even gone out that much. You just feel so lazy on chemo ... that is the best word I can use to describe how I feel. I don't want to get up from sitting unless I really have to.

In my prior life ... pre-chemo ... I used to be the type of person that couldn't sit because I needed to be doing something. That has changed dramatically.

So back to some of the side effects I was experiencing and wanted to discuss with the oncologist:

• swollen ankles - not to much of a concern medically.
• CVC soreness - though it is a bit sore, the oncologist said it looked O.K. I just need to watch for oozing and/or swelling.
• nasal headaches - the oncologist could have potentially prescribed codeine to help with the headaches but that is not an option for me as I have nightmares when taking codeine. She suggested getting a humidifier in the bedroom to moisten things up.
  

I still need to get my meds and I guess I will be ready for my 12th cycle of chemotherapy.

Sunday Morning

Most of yesterday was spent doing school work. Today will be similar.

I have a chemo treatment on Tuesday and a visit with the oncologist tomorrow. I've created a short list of things to discuss with the oncologist:

• I wanted to point out my swelling ankles.
  
• My nasal headaches ... is there anything I can take for the nighttime? I wake up with terrible headaches.
  
• My CVC is a bit sore when I lay down on that side. I'll ask her to have a look at it.
  

That should pretty well do it. Otherwise, it's the same old routine ... after my oncologist's appointment, go to the pharmacy and get my meds, make sure the DVD player is charged up and I have movies and that is pretty well it ... a new cycle starts.

On to a different topic. A while back when I first started blogging and following blogs, I would generally only follow breast cancer blogs, but recently, I have started following blogs of other types of cancers, male bloggers with cancer and blogs where a child has the cancer.

I'm excited I have opened myself up to these different blogs. It will be interesting to read how different people deal with different cancers.

It also scares me a bit, as it will be especially hard to read about the challenges a child/parent will have coping with cancer.

What I have found so far is that most often the blogging is most inspiring. It gives me hope and lets me know that I am not alone in this journey.

Well, I've had my coffee and toast and some blogging ... I must move on now.

Happy Birthday Renee!

Renee, I’m so excited to have been invited to your virtual birthday party!

I am ready and rearing to get this party started.

I’ve got cake ... hope you like chocolate!

Balloons ...

Gifts and more.

May you have a very special birthday!

Love, peace, happiness and especially good health.

Just one more thing ... a special video wish for you ....

Where Has The Day Gone?

This morning I had my quilting session and here is a progress report ... I've sewn all the squares together and I've chosen a boarder. The next step is to sew that border on, sew in the filler and backing ... but I'm not sure what order that is in. The next two sessions are canceled, so we will be at this again in three weeks. One of the tricky parts of the quilting is the squaring of the work. It seems that every time you sew something, it has to be squared. Squaring will take some time to learn. I figure if I decide to do more of this, I'll have to do another small wall hanging type quilt to practice some of the technique I've learned ... that is if I don't forget everything by then.

The ladies that help put on this quilting session at the Cancer Institute are from Earthly Goods. They are an amazing group of ladies and have helped me immensely. I know I wouldn't have progressed with the quilt as well as I have without their help. I have struggled because of the chemo ... my concentration and focus has been lacking and the fatigue has slowed me down.

After the quilting, one of the ladies and I went out for lunch. That was really nice.

The weather outside is sunny, warm but windy ... so windy, I had to hold my wig in place. The temperature is 4°C.

We might still see Spring this year yet.

Great Sleep Last Night

I had a great sleep last night. It looks like I'm caught up on my sleep because I'm starting to dream during the night. I don't like dreaming so we'll have to stay up a bit later in the evenings. I am assuming dreaming comes with too much sleep.

I'm feeling pretty good therefore I need to focus on school work. I only have four classes left and with chemo next week ... my studying will be cut back. If I could just get off my butt and open the books.

Not much to write about ... so I think we will stop right here.

Out And About

Today I was out and about. I went for coffee with the Breast Cancer ladies. We (5 ladies) meet for coffee every two weeks. Today the hour and half went far to quickly. Our conversation was all over the place ... as usual ... but the main thing is that we get together and support each other.

Last time we met, I talked about these neat fleece blankets that are made with no sewing. They are called no-sew fleece blankets. You can Google for instructions but if you follow the link I've attached, you'll end up at a blog where a lady has taken pictures of the blanket as she worked on it. They are very cool. A., who brought the blanket she created, says it is quit easy to make ... and pretty cheap too. It looked great and felt wondrous.

My class last night went well. Four classes left before the end. Yippee!

Last night, I slept through the night ... so my nasal issues are finally better. No bloody noses today. Yippee!

Cognitive Behaviour Group

I just came back from the Cognitive Behavior Group through the Cancer Institute. It always amazes me how inspiring and courageous the people that attend these support groups are. Each is either facing cancer, has a loved one facing cancer and/or has lost someone to cancer. I find, you end up seeing the true human side of people and that is a good thing. The stories are amazing and so are the people. Thank goodness that the institute provides these opportunities for cancer patients. The psychologists do an outstanding job facilitating the groups.

Last night I was up again due to congestion but it was a bit better than the night before. Even though this continues to be an issue, I did tell my husband, I felt a bit 'spunky'. I actually did accomplish a small list of things ... and that feels good.

Today, though my nostrils are quit sensitive from the nose bleeds, the runniness, and plain old blowing of it , I'm feeling a bit more energetic and able to focus. I have my school assignment to finish and then off to class tonight.

How Am I Doing?

I've been struggling with a bloody nose and congested sinuses. This seems to be getting worse with each cycle. The congested sinuses are a real issue during the night because I wake up with a stuffed nosed, sometimes a bloody nose and a huge headache. This has been happening for the last few nights, but last night, I woke up about midnight with a huge sinus headache, I took two Tylenol and went to the couch and sat down just to find a more comfortable position I ended up sleeping for about five hours ... sitting up. Sitting up is better than laying down because the sinuses don't get as congested. I woke up feeling pretty good and went to the spare bedroom to catch a couple more hours sleep. I still have a ting of a headache. Next time I see the oncologist, I'm going to ask her what I can take to relieve the pressure.

After my shower today, I noticed my feet and ankles are getting pretty swollen with water retention. I've started sleeping with a heating pad at my feet because my feet feel so cold and take for ever to warm up. I'm assuming the two are related. Sometimes, my husband will say my feet feel warm, but I tell him I am freezing. I think the heating system in my body is all mixed up.

My entrance to the CVC is a tiny bit sore so I may stop at the Daycare at the Cancer Institute have them take a look at it. It looks a tiny bit red. The skin around the entrance to the CVC has always looked bad so I can't really say it looks better or worse. I've had Daycare look at it once and they said that is looks O.K. Well if that is what it is supposed to look like than that is O.K. by me.

All in all, I'm feeling this cycle is worse than the last couple. I'm just not recovering as quickly and am feeling weaker. However, this is a new week and I'm hoping all the side effects of the chemo have finally worked themselves out of me.

Unfiinished Projects

I mentioned I'd take up quilting if I finished some of my unfinished projects. I actually have a couple of afghans on the go but will focus on this one first. I'd say I'm about a 1/4 done on this one and half done on the other.

Looks like we are having a snow storm out there today, so knitting is the plan ... and oh yes, maybe a nap or two.

Staying Close To Home

I stayed up a little to late last night and so a nap was in order this morning.

Coffee and food in general still tastes awful. I haven't really cooked in about a week because I am just turned off with the whole thing. I feel for my husband because there is nothing in the fridge.

I seem to eat things that inspire me at that moment. Oatmeal, bread, muffins, fried eggs, and the such seem to be O.K. Anything else, tastes like cardboard, smells off and/or looks off. Of course, you'd think I'd be loosing weight but that does not happen because the days when my appetite is furious (steroids) ... I eat uncontrollably.

Today will be filled with school work and some house work ... trying to keep those dust bunnies at bay. I started putting nicknacks away because it takes too much effort to dust them. I'm continue to try and simplify my life. I've adopted a new rule ... if I bring something besides food home ... two things leave in it's place. I seem to be constantly reminded of how much stuff I have ... and how it is weighing me down.

Simplify ... simplify .... simplify ... freedom .... freedom ... freedom.

Quilting Update

Happy First Day of Spring!

I did hear some birds singing but it's hard to imagine Spring with all this snow.

My quilt is coming together but with a lot of help from my friends. I just haven't been recovering from my last chemo treatment as well as I would have liked to. I continue to be very tired and lacking in focus. Today on my way to the quilting session, my nose started bleeding and wouldn't stop. We laughed and said that some projects required blood, sweat and tears but this wasn't quite what we were thinking. Anyways, instead of bleeding all over the squares, the other ladies jumped in and helped me with the work. Once my 'bloody' nose was in order, I was able to start sewing. I'm very excited about how it is coming together.

The sewing has inspired me to pull out some crocheting and knitting projects I have been working on for ... I hate to say it .... years. I promised myself, that if I finish those projects, I will go out and look for a used sewing machine and try quilting at home.

Enzyme Behind Cancer Spread Found

I came across an article on BBC News that says ...

Scientists say they have identified an enzyme that helps cancer spread around the body.

Cancer metastasis, where the cancer spreads from its original location, is known to be responsible for 90% of cancer-related deaths.

Institute of Cancer Research scientists have found that an enzyme called LOX is crucial in promoting metastasis, Cancer Cell journal reports.

Drugs to block this enzyme's action could keep cancer at bay, they hope.

You can read the complete article at the BBC link.

Well I think this is pretty good news. The research they are doing is amazing and hopefully they can start pumping out those drugs that we cancer people so desperately need.

My only request is that they make the drugs more friendly ... in other words, make the drugs with less of the awful side effects. Another breast cancer survivor and I were emailing back and forth and complaining about the chemo we had to take and how awful it is. I said, can't they do something to make it more manageable. Why do we have to feel so awful when on chemo? Unfortunately all we could do was vent a tiny bit and that was that.

Later today I'm off to lunch with my friend Audrey. That is always a great time. After that, I must get after my school books ... only 5 classes left. Yippee! As much as I like taking courses, it is nice when they come to an end. Assuming everything goes well with this course ... and I pass, I have two colleges courses left to complete my Diploma. My goal is to have that done by the end of the year. If I hadn't gotten ill in August, I would have graduated this Spring (2009). Oh well, I'm really close and really want to finish this.

Have a nice last day of Winter!

Sleep Is Good

Last night I took an Ativan and the rest was history ... out like a light. For me, Ativan just calms the mind, body and soul. I only use it minimally so that it's effectiveness doesn't wear off.

Yesterday morning I had my Cognitive Behavior session at the Cancer Institute. I was still feeling very weak and when I offered to pour coffee for a couple of other ladies, I realized just how weak I was. I picked up the coffee pot and just about dropped it. I asked one of the other ladies to take over the pouring.

During the session itself, I was feeling pretty wiped ... didn't really contribute to the group. After the session, a couple of ladies ended up coming over and chatting with me. That was so nice.

I came home, had something to eat and had a nap. After waking up, I still felt quite tired and fussy in the head. I went to class though I really didn't want to. I parked as close as I possibly could because I just had no strength in my legs. I ended up leaving half way through the class because I just felt weak and unable to focus.

On a more postitive note, I got 80% on my midterm. My buddy in class .... who has a university degree and she got 85% and the girl on the other side of me got 87%. Well for an 'oldie' on chemo, I feel pretty good with my mark.

Nothing more to report for today ....

Sending Luck Your Way

May you live a long life
Full of gladness and health,
With a pocket full of gold
As the least of you wealth.
May the dreams you hold dearest,
Be those which come true,
The kindness you spread,
Keep returning to you.

Getting Back On Track

Well, we' re almost back to the regular routine ... I'm feeling like I can do a thing or two. Usually during the awful chemo weekend, my only goal is to get through it. I know that may be hard to understand for some but it really is a challenge for me. When I'm in the that 'awfulness', I really feel hopeless ... like it's really not worth it. So to get through it ... it is my only goal and any other issue that comes along pales in comparison. In other words, unless the house is burning down ... I'm not interested and could care less. Come to think of it ... even with a burning house ... someone would probably have to pull me out. It's unbelievable.

Anyways, I've had a shower, had something to eat, put in some laundry and I'm getting back on track. I opened the curtains to let some life into the living room. I've been living like a mushroom for the past few days. Unfortunately, coffee still tastes awful so we'll not be having any of that today.

I can tell my mood is improving because I'm thinking about what I have to take care of this week ... I'm looking forward ...

Feeling Better But Not Great

The worst of the chemo effects are over with and I'm feeling better but not great.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and next week.

Asia On HBO

I've posted this once before but feel it's worth posting over and over again ...

Quilting Update

This morning I was off to the quilting group. I've sewn all the squares and next week we square the squares ... sounds a bit funny but it corrects all the errors in sewing and cutting. Once that is done we start sewing all the squares together, get some backing and a border and done like dinner ... I think. It's fun.

My eyes are really watering from the chemo and I'm starting to feel off ... pooped as we say.

Once again, the blogging for the next couple of days will be minimal with the odd video and such.

We'll be back on track next week ... feeling better and back to our old selves.

Another Early Morning

Well another early morning. Who needs sleep anyways when you have drugs?

I had chemo on Tuesday ... and I’m still feeling pretty good. I’ve mentioned before, I save a couple of the steroids for an extra day and wean myself off of them. So today, I should really be steroid free but have one for the morning and one for the evening. Friday I will start feeling the effects of withdrawal and the chemo. I figure whatever works for me ... to get through this rough times ... besides, I was taking the steroids incorrectly for the first 5 cycles and everything seemed to have worked out. I misread and misunderstood the instruction on the pill bottle not only once, but actually a few times ... even after clarification ... I finally got things resolved when I got it in writing. Apparently, I was to take 2 at a time, and I was only taking one at a time. Thank goodness I had ‘chemo brain’ to blame it on.

With all the surfing I’ve been doing the last couple of nights ... I came to this page. What will I do tomorrow?

Sleepless

Well it's about 3:00 am and I've been up for about 2 hours. I went to bed about at 10:00 last night but those silly steroids have me up and about. I wake up feeling very warm ... but different from a hot flash. My cheeks feel real warm and appear very rosy. Often people will say, well you got some color back in your face ... I tell them it's temporary and has nothing to do with being 'healthier'. The benefit is that I do feel spunky and even with a lack of sleep, the days are pretty good. I even feel like doing a bit more housework.

For the times, I have difficulty sleeping, thank goodness I have my blogging because just now when I turned my computer on, I found 3 comments to be read. How nice is that.

My midterm went well ... I sort of hate saying that because often when I feel good about an exam, I end up not doing well. We'll find out next week.

My dog is laying beside me and giving me the look ... what the heck are you doing up. How am I to get my beauty rest? Well she did a couple of turns and found a new position in the blanket and off to doggie dreamland she goes.

That is all for now ... off I go to catch up on some of my blogger friends posts ... and hopefully ... eventually catch some ZZZZZZ's.

Chemo

Chemo went well today ... in fact I was out in record breaking time ... only three hours. Generally it's almost four hours. Yesterday I got a call to come in for chemo in the morning instead of the afternoon time. Looks like the rescheduling worked out great. Unfortunately, that meant I missed my cognitive behavior group.

I must mention the volunteer on the 4th floor chemo area is outstanding. I'm not going to mention his name but he is a regular there. He must have asked me 5 times if I needed anything. He asked if I wanted the blinds closed because he noticed the sun was in my face. He just appears to be a very kind and considerate man.

Instead of watching a movie, I spent my time studying for my midterm exam tonight. I still have a few hours before my class and plan on using that time wisely.

I'm feeling good right now. As my energy level drops later in the day, I have my steroids that will give me the boost I need.

Outside we have a very sunny day but the temperature is -30°C ... just wanted my southern blogger friends to know. Grrrrrrrrrr!

CT Scan Results

The scan showed the tumors have once again shrunk a bit. The doctor says she is happy with these results. The amount they shrank is less than in the past but that is to be expected.

The CT scan also showed a bit more fluid on the lungs. I mentioned to the oncologist I felt I was retaining more fluid ... especially on my ankles. The elastic part of my socks leave a quite an indentation on my legs. Back to my lungs ... the oncologists asked if I was coughing more and/or coughing something up. I said it was a dry cough and was very intermittent. We're just going to monitor these side effects. If they worsen ... we may have to quit the Taxotere chemo and only continue with the study drug. That is down the road and we'll worry about that should that become a reality.

At today's exam ... we did blood work, a urine test, a blood pressure check, and we checked oxygen saturation in my blood. All appeared normal.

Overall a good visit. I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Tonight I start my steroids so sleep will be a challenge.

Speaking of steroids ... as I was waiting to go in for my blood work, there was another young gentleman there ... teenager age ... getting blood work. His mother was talking to another lady about his cancer ... she mentioned her son gained 60 lbs. from the steroids. WOW!

Chemo tomorrow ...

What's On My Plate

We are sure getting some ugly weather for March. I can hear the wind howling ... yikes. Looks like it's going continue into the week, too.

Yesterday, I got a phone call and someone said to me ... "How are you doing? "... "No, how are you really doing?" Well I still gave her the pat answer ... I'm fine ... but after I got off the phone, I really thought about it. How am I doing? To be honest that changes often throughout the cycle but right now I'm doing pretty good. I have a lot on my plate and being busy has always helped me navigate through life.

So what do I have on my plate ... I have my college course, I have my blogging, I have my quilting group and my cognitive behavior group. I find these things keep me mentally challenged, focused and more importantly, they keep me busy ... less time to think about the cancer.

So back to the original question, how am I doing ... I guess the answer is ... I'm doing pretty good. By being involved in a few things, I feel like I'm accomplishing something, being productive ... and for me that is so important.

I have some other things in the back of my mind that I'd like to start up but unfortunately the physical energy doesn't always match up to the mind's energy level.

One thing is for sure ... I'm glad I have the spunk to want to do more.

Day Light Savings Time

Spring forward ... fall back.

Tonight we switch our clocks forward one hour for day light savings time.

That means Spring is around the corner ... right ... not if you look out the window ... here in Edmonton. It's -10°C and snowing and blowing. The weather man said we should be seeing some drifting too ... not going to be a nice day weather wise. Next week the temperatures really drops.

Looks like March is going to be a cold month.

The only thing I really must do today is go out and get some milk ... otherwise, it is stay in and stay warm. I'm feeling real good so that is a bonus.

Quilting Support Group

This morning, I was off to the Cancer Institute to do my quilting support group ... I'm doing pretty good. When I first started, my quilt squares were pretty good and square ... now that they are becoming a bit off ... should I say. In other words, I was ever so careful at first and now I'm just sewing to 'beat the band' because the weeks are ticking down and I want to have something to show for it.

I love joining these support groups ... because I end up chatting with others and I get so much inspiration from them. The people in these groups have either gone through their treatment or are still undergoing treatment. As a group we ended up talking about Porchagese recipes but individually we carried on conversations more closely relating to cancer. I think we feel more comfortable sharing our thoughts and feelings .... because we know ... each of us understands what its like to have cancer.

Our storm from yesterday seems to have passed but the weatherman says another may be around the corner.

I forgot to mention ... I should have the results of yesterday's CT scan this coming Monday when I see my oncologist. I can't say I have scanxiety just yet ... but I will probably be taking an Ativan on Sunday night.

CT Scan Today

Well believe it or not, I ventured out in this weather. If you're not from the Edmonton area, we are having some severe weather. The temperature is -14°C but feels like -29°C with the wind chill. Apparently, the snow is done for today but the winds are still crazy. The weather man just said ... another storm for tomorrow.

Anyways, my CT scan was 9:15 a.m. this morning and everything went well. I chatted with a nice lady that was in from Cold Lake. We talked quite a bit about cancer and how we dealt with it. I'd have to say we had a lot of similarities in our thinking.

As I sat in the waiting room, I always people watch. Today what stood out was that there was two young men waiting for scans. One was with his mother and talked about how he was missing school ... not sure if was high school or college and the other young man looked like he was in his late 20's. They both looked like they were strong, vibrant, young men ... but with cancer. If it wasn't for the chemo hair ... you would never think these young men were sick. It was kind of sad.

My plans for the remainder of the day are to stay in and stay warm.

Last Night's Class

Last night's class went really well. I always feel like I am pulling the wool over everyone's eyes by hiding the fact that I'm actually getting cancer treatment. I don't know why but I feel like it is something I should be telling everyone ... they could probably care less ... well you know what I mean. If I don't tell them, it's like I'm keeping a secret from them. Sometimes I tell white lies and say ... yes I'm working right now. I just don't want to say I'm on disability for cancer.

The same thing happens when you run into an old acquaintance ... in say the grocery store ... do I tell them or not? That is the question. It seems to be the first thing that crosses my mind. I guess there is no easy answer but I sure wish that need to say something would go away.

Tonight I'm off to supper with a fellow breast cancer survivor. We usually get together every couple of months but it's definitely been longer. I look forward to that.

Running A Bit Behind

I'm running a bit behind with things. A couple of days ago I was invited to join twitter and unfortunately, my focus shifted to playing with twitter and not doing the stuff that needed to be done.

This morning I was at a new support group at the Cross Cancer Institute. This particular one is called Managing Anxiety and Depression through Mental Strategies.

This group will provide the opportunity for patients and family members to explore cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques to cope with stress and strong emotion.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy ... is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes the important role of thinking in how we feel and what we do.

The first session was very interesting. I can see it will make for some great blogging.

Tonight is my class and my assignment that is due tonight is still not complete ... so off I go.

Keeping Me On Track

Today I met with my psychologist at the Cancer Institute. We talked about how ... mentally I was feeling better. We thought it might be that the 'shock' of my diagnosis wearing out. I'm hoping that is the case but just a reminder ... the chemo drugs sure do play havoc with you mentally so it may be short lived. Anyways, my psychologist does a great job keeping me on track.

Speaking of keeping me on track ... I have so many other people who help keep in on track and so many people who offer me support. I just wanted to say thank you ...

• thank you to my husband and to family for their support.
• thank you to those who have sent emails and cards.
• thank you to the Breast Cancer Coffee Group.
• thank you to my blogging buddies who have supported my blog by signing up as supporters, who have emailed me, signed my guest book and/or made comments to my posts.
  
• thank you to my friends who have offered their vacation homes as a getaway for my husband and I.
• thank you to my friends who take me out for coffee/lunch and make sure I get out and about.
• thank you to the staff of the Cancer Institute.

I feel very fortunate to have many supporters ... so thank you!

It's another beautiful sunny day but still chilly at -13 °C.

Feel Good Video

My plans for Sunday are simple ... rest and relaxation. Yesterday, my sister called and suggested we get together today for a Tim Horton's ... can't say no to that. I'm feeling good and am going to take advantage of it.

Speaking of feeling good ... because I have so little to report, I thought, I'd post a 'feel good' You Tube video. I've had this video posted on a side bar back a few months ago ... so if you've been following this blog for awhile, you may have seen this.

Hope you have a nice Sunday ...