Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Using your Support System

Yesterday we had our fifth Woman’s Metastatic Cancer Support Group meeting and the discussion centered on support by family and friends. We talked about how you have to put some thought into asking for what you need. Also, unless we are open to accepting help, we may lose out on offers of help.

So G said her freezer is full of casseroles brought by friends and family. The problem is, her appetite is terrible and so the food just sits. Now she says, when someone offers to bring food over, she’ll ask what they are having for supper. If it’s not something that interests her right there and then, she’ll say thank you but not tonite. Of course everyone’s personal situation is different. I don’t think she has a spouse or children at home who might otherwise appreciate a home cooked meal.

At this point G was on a roll … She told the story of how an acquaintance called and said she was coming over with flowers. G said instead of flowers, what I really could use is a coupon for an inside and out car wash. There were a few chuckles and we all agreed that was a great idea … she then said, now, if I could only find someone to go with me and stand at the pump and fill my car with gas, I’d really be happy.

Now there is one woman who is using her support system very well.


Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

Thanks for sharing what people need while they are dealing with this disease.
When I was undergoing treatment, I was too tired to put up a X-mas tree yet it was important to me to have one. My friends put it up for me and decorated it. It meant so much to me.

Bernie said...

I think is is wonderful how your friend is using her support system, people do want to help and I know speaking for myself I would rather do something my friend would really want done than just do something for the sake of doing it.......always in my prayers..Hugs

Tami Boehmer said...

Yes, I think it's really important to ask for what you need. People appreciate it because they want to help. When I was first diagnosed, people asked me what I needed and I told them I needed babysitting for my three-year-old daughter. When I was later rushed to the emergency room when my white blood count plummeted, I had a list to refer to.

By the way, congrats on being selected as a blogger on Women's Day. We need to keep showing the face of metastatic breast cancer. We're alive and kicking and need to be heard!

Julie Goodale said...

I love this - good for her! People want to help, but often don't know how. You're right that we need to figure out how to ask for what it is we need.

Erin said...

A member of the grief support group I attend recently had some medical issues. the group lovingly wanted to give her a plant. I said,"Let's just give her cold,hard,cash." Plants and flowers are nice, really nice, and I'll never be unhappy to get them, but...you can't use flowers to pay for parking or buy gas or order take-out.
Nice post.