Monday, September 22, 2008

Scan Results

Today I met with my oncologist and we discussed the results of the CT scans from last week. The tumors have shrunk a bit. This is extremely good news indicating the chemo is working. I am cautiously optimistic ... cancer has a way of getting in 'the last word'. I asked my oncologist that now that we have positive result ... does that mean we can expect positive results next time? She qualified her answer by saying there is a chance there may be no change or a growth in the tumor ... however, she expected more positive results.

My way of dealing with cancer is not to ask too many questions. Unfortunately, the more questions I ask, it seems, the more negative are the answers. I am also not the type that researches all about the cancer or the chemo drugs ... once again because the reality of it is usually pretty negative.

I have been thinking of going back to work on a part-time basis. I was thinking it might be good for me because it would normalize my life. It has been weighting heavily on my mind. I have been feeling like I should be making a decision one way or another. My gut feeling was to delay the decision but the longer I delay it, the harder it might be to go back. This has been a struggle for me. Today I met with my psychologist and decided to ask her opinion once again. Her opinion is that it is too soon. I don't even know if the chemo works (my appointment with the psychologist was before my appointment with the oncologist). She says she has been doing this work for 20 years and says in her opinion, the patients that held off working during the beginning of chemo were more successful that those that went to work too soon. She says it is critical to focus on healing as it is most important right now. Her suggestion was that if I was at all on the fence about this decision, I should delay the decision for 3 months. At that time revisit it. If I am still on the fence about whether work would support my healing, I should delay once again for 3 months. This took a weight off my shoulders as I am not ready to go back to work. I need to do a bit more healing before I go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I do have a strong work ethic and would love nothing more then to be working full time, however, that is just not my reality today. I am very sick and need to put priority on myself. These days ... 'I'm playing for all the marbles'.

Cycle 3 starts tomorrow ...

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