Friday, September 26, 2008

Postitive Attitude

This morning I was at the Cross Cancer at the Patient Support Group. One of the ladies from the support group had said that I had a very positive attitude. We are also in another support group and she has visited this site.

I thought about what she said. I do have a positive attitude but don't get me wrong ... I have negative thoughts. When the news of my re-occurrence came, I was 'paralyzed' with negative thoughts. I didn't know how I was going to go on but as time went on and one foot in front of the other, I was able to bring myself out of that hole and find that positive attitude.

So why the positive attitude? As I was growing up, I realized I got to choose my attitude on how I see things. The struggle has been long and hard. Outwardly, I find life goes better if you have or appear to have a positive attitude. It is like if you create it, you will be it. I believed that if I came across with a good attitude, the world would mirror it. Yes this did work most times but not always. Inwardly, my positive attitude might be more motivated by trying to avoid issues and not really deal with them. It is like creating a new reality. Even though you may think the worst or feel the worst about something, just pretend it will be O.K. and hopefully it will be.

Do I hide behind my positive attitude ... absolutely yes. It makes me feel like I am strong and in control and most importantly it keeps a lot of the emotions at bay. The emotions I'm talking about are other peoples emotions. When people show their emotions, the weight of the emotions transfer to my shoulders. I have difficultly dealing with all the drama.

I have rambled here a bit but it is something I wanted to talk about. My positive attitude has helped me cope with the struggles and tribulations of life and now this disease.

I feel I have not been clear with my thoughts. I may have to revisit this subject once again when my thoughts are more organized.

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