Sunday, March 21, 2010

Personal Reflection

I’ve been feeling so good lately ... can hardly believe it. Yesterday I went out for a drive, just to get out of the house. I had all four windows down a bit with the tunes turned up ... what a great feeling. The weather has been so lovely here lately too.

I’ve been doing a bit more reflecting these days. It’s kind of hard to imagine my body is sick with stage four cancer. Right now it’s not getting worse or better but it’s still there. Part of me wants to think, I’m back to normal but ... I’m not. I’m always thinking of that next scan and what it could show. What is the cancer in my liver doing to me today? The weird part is that I don’t feel it, so I don’t know. On the other hand I’m so fortunate not to be having any major side effects from the cancer or chemo... like no pain. I wake up thinking ... ok how do I feel today? ... any changes? Then I go about doing things and then all of a sudden I stop and think ... I have cancer ... can’t be true. It just doesn’t seem to be something I can totally wrap my head around ... even after all these years.

10 comments:

WhiteStone said...

Our thoughts are so totally the same! I'm feeling so well today...weekend company (20 in the house!) are gone and so far I've washed two loads of clothes, loaded and emptied the dishwasher, mopped the kitchen floor and am halfway through vacuuming. In spite of being on (low-dosage) chemo, in spite of having 3 hotspots in side of me, (and perhaps because of the steroids with the chemo), I am feeling exceptionally well. And yet...I have cancer. Bless you, Daria.

Michelle said...

I'm so happy that you are feeling so good. Each day is a gift is it not. xxx

Karen said...

I know how you feel, at least a little, Daria. Often times, I wake up and remember that I have cancer, and I wonder what's in store for me - for today, and for next week, and next year ....

And then, I just go back to doing my normal, daily routine, because I won't let cancer rob me of one minute of my life. Not one.

Glad that you could enjoy the beautiful, spring day! It does wonders for you, doesn't it!

Deb said...

Fantastic Daria that you are feeling great! Keep doing whatever you are doing my dear. My husband was also diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer back in 2006...he's doing great so keep the faith!
Love the new layout of your blog.
Thanks again for everything.
Debbie

Holly said...

i love your new format...

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

You are my hero or my heroine, Daria. I don't have Stage 4 BC although I am at risk for being there so I don't know how I would deal with it if I had it. But you do still find joy in life even with this news hanging over your head or maybe you push it back into the background. I am so glad that the side effects aren't so awful that you can't experience joy. It dooes seem that the chemo so far is stopping the progression if not killing it all together. Meanwhile more sunny days ahead..

PFunky said...

So glad to hear you are feeling well! May you continue to have many days like this! Love your new blog page! Very pretty!!!

Christine said...

I can relate. Sometimes I think I'm in denial because I feel well and yet I have stage 4 cancer. It is even more of an emotional disease than a physical, because even when my body feels well, it's still there in my head. At different times it can feel scary, overwhelming, ridiculous, unbelievable and/or downright bizarre.

Marsi White said...

Love this entry. I feel the same way. It is hard to believe I have cancer sometimes, until I look in the mirror and see my bald head (also the result of taxotere). Glad you are feeling well and glad you enjoyed the Spring day!

theBluesman said...

i like this post v much, stay on by being positive Daria