Thursday, April 9, 2009

Avoid The "Have Tos" And "Need Tos"

I just came back from seeing my psychologist at the Cancer Institute. She had an emergency so my appointment ended up longer than first anticipated. I was more than willing to wait or come back because I knew that if I went in with an emergency, she would place everything else on hold. That made me feel good.

So when I first discussed my feelings of being overwhelmed earlier in the week, I said I would ask my psychologist how to handle a couple of situations:

What should I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed?
  • The answer to that question is to try and prevent getting to that stage. The chemo drugs and steroids cause mood swings. For me, I get a bit high on steroids and then the lows hit real hard. We talked a bit about meds and I will follow up with my oncologist about that. I'll let you know what she recommends.
What do I tell people without offending them that large gatherings and too much excitement are too much for me?
  • The psychologist says to avoid the "have tos" and "need tos". What she means by that, is that don't do something just because you feel you need to but instead listen to your body and mind and do what feels right for you. I am in a situation where, if I don't want to do something, I don't need to give a reason. I think a lot of comments echoed this same thing.
I wanted to say I was thrilled to read every one's comments. Everyone has so many valid points and I appreciate each and every one of them.

I look forward to visiting everyone's blog.


Cora from Hidden Riches said...

I went back and reread the last few posts you wrote, and believe me, it was good for ME! I know exactly how you have been feeling, and I'm finding myself hiding away more and more lately. I've been overwhelmed by things, and anything that has a "have to" or a "need to" attached to throws me over the edge. You are definitely NOT alone on this one! And the advice you got is right on. I know I just need space -- space to figure out my own feelings and thoughts, space to then let them out freely, space to just do nothing and say nothing, etc. This whole cancer thing plays havoc with your mind and emotions, and I'm finding it takes LOTS of time to figure it all out. I always thought I had it all together -- well, I don't!! Not even near it! Don't even know if I ever will, and don't know if I care if I do or not. Glad to see you are free to blog about it all. It's a great thing for me to read your blog as it encourages ME to be honest and open about everything, too! Thanks for that!

SweetAnnee said...

I am glad you mentioned the
over stimulation. I found that
to be an issue with ME. too much
noise, lights, foks around and I'd just
have to HIDE.

Tis so good to talk to someone
who can just listen .

Meaghan said...

I think that is great advice and it took me a while to figure all that out on my own, but its all true! I also think that blogging is a great way to deal with the emotions of cancer. When I blog its like I let that thing that is bothering me go. Its on the page and no longer weighs me down. Before I started blogging I felt sick all the time, was so unhappy and unhealthy. I hope that you are doing well and thank you for the comment today :)


Anonymous said...

Good post Daria!

Michelle said...

Most excellent.

You certainly don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Now you just have to accept that and not feel guilty about it.

You are your number one priority here!

As you should be :)

Jill said...

I am glad you were able to get some answers to some of the issues that were bothering you. The important person here is YOU and only you know much you can do.Try not to worry what other people think ...I had to stop doing that as well.
Daria...just look after yourself this holiday weekend and do what you want to do.This is your time!
Gentle hugs

Debby said...

You know, feeling overwhelmed happens to me out of the blue. Sometimes with no warning at all. I find that when I 'fall apart' it's time to start praying.

Sherry said...

Your psychologist is a very wise woman!! Learning to let go; learning what matters; learning what we women have a hard time learning, no matter what our situation in life -- that it is okay to say "no" and that's all. "No thank you" suffices. We don't need to explain or apologize but we quite often forget to put ourselves first. Right now in your life Daria, putting yourself first is the priority. Have a blessed and enjoyable Easter weekend, however you choose to spend it!

Cheryl said...

Oh Daria, I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to read your Post and others. I know this information will be absolutely essential to me once we find out what is going on in this body of mine.
I have been taking morphine since January to deal with the pain during the search for the cause. Has the cancer spread? Looking at the anatomy of the Brachial Plexus frightens me as I suffer nerve pain and I can see the number of nerves involved in the region of the breast lump.
I can focus only on myself at this time; it is such a struggle to keep appointments and wait for tests. I think I know what is is like for you!
You take care of yourself Daria and may you be surrounded by love and friendship that lightens the load.
May your Easter be blessed and your load lighter

Unknown said...

yes- its amazing the pressure we put ourselves under with our 'have to's' etc.......
i often suffer from being overwhelmed and it is always my expectations of me that are the cause xx

Kerry said...

IT took me a while to just learn to say No!Or no thanks. And get that I did not owe anyone an explanation.
finally it clicked. It takes a while to know what clicks for you plus each situation is different.
I remember sleeping when the kids went to school so I could handle their care after school. That was tough. While some stayed in denial about my situation others realized I had to do what I could do and that was it.
There are so many sides of cancer that's why writing about its a good thing. I think at times the emotional and mental part of cancer is harder then physical. So its good you talked about it as well. It provides a clear view on how to handle things.
Take care of you.

Alli said...

"NO" is the shortest word and yet the hardest to say for too many reasons we can't often figure out as women ....

Do YOU Daria... !!

Peace & Blessings Alli...x

Renee said...

Daria have a wonderful Easter doing whatever it is you want to do.

Love Renee xoxo