Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Cancer Diagnosis Shook Me to the Core

What I want people to know is that being told you have cancer; shakes you to the core. It’s such a kick in the teeth emotionally. It’s the wake-up call no one wants …. You are going to die and probably sooner than you’d hoped. No longer could I take life for granted. 

So how else did this affect me? … well, it forced me to reflect on who I am and what I have been doing with my life. I ended up spending a lot of time looking back through the years, how I came to be where I am now. I felt proud and happy of my accomplishments, disappointed and sad at some poor choices and decisions. And … I grieve for the future that won’t be.

A few things I know for sure … the future I do have is all of a sudden a bit clearer. I know what I want to do. I still have a few things I want to accomplish and I especially know I want to live the rest of my life as calm and stress free as possible. I figure that much of the drama in life can be avoided and avoid it I do. I do it by downsizing and simplifying my life, by spending time with people who support my healing and by being more kind to myself. I just put more trust in myself and started following my heart. Wow what a concept!

Cancer is a life altering experience that forced me to question everything in my life. After nearly two years, I think I’ve regained some of the power I had given away to the universe. I have become more trusting of myself and for those reasons I think I am a stronger person.


Holly said...

wise words Daria - i love and support you on your journey (our journey!!)

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

You are my hero (heroine) Daria!Although I am not Stage 4, I found cancer a real kick in the teeth too. It sucked the breath out of me..I am not going to live forever or even as long as most of my relatives. But you learn to deal and you have with so much grace. You have a lot of loving to do.

Bernie said...

Oh so true sweetie, the sad thing for me was that it took having cancer for me to realize all my blessings. Keeping you in my heart and prayers....:-)Hugs

Joanie said...

I agree with Holly... wise words indeed. I need to have John read this.

Daria, you are so brave... and I salute you!

Arlene said...

Thank you, Daria, for this posting and sharing your wisdom. I'm going to be reading this over and over.

Kim said...

We have never met and I actually don't remember how I came across your blog. You are an inspiration! I really appreciated what you have posted on your blog today and hope it is okay, but I am printing off your words as you described the journey and feelings so well.
Continued prayers your way!
Kim from South Dakota

MomtoLaylah said...

Daria, just stopping through to say hello, and that I support you and pray for you. Though Gail(Chemo Sucks blogger and dear friend)is no longer present in body, she endures in spirit, and I am so absolutely sure that she, as am I, is very proud of you, and rooting for you all the way. Take care. I am glad your life has been changed in a positive, self loving type of way---press on. Robbyn

Renee Bravo said...

Hi Daria,
Us Stage 4 girls stick together and even though I am 3 years diagnosed in April, I am still a fighter and I am not going anywhere. Having a fighter mentality I think helps a great deal while we are going through these rough times.I am lucky to have my online friends. Keep the faith and keep the strength. Wanna talk anytime, I am here for you. Love sister!

Carol Urban said...

I feel exactly the same way you do and it devastates me to read or hear people say incredibly insensitive things; i.e., if I had cancer I'd ... or I'd rather be told I have cancer than be told I'm pregnant. WTF?

If I could reach through the computer screen and smack that person I would!

I only wish I could share the cancer experience with these people. If only they could have one day of having cancer, I would pick the day I was told I had cancer! That could be their wake up call. Change your attitude, change your life.