CT Scan Today

I go back to the clinic today for my CT scan. I won’t get the results until my next oncologist visit in about three weeks. I’m not anxious enough to go and get them earlier.

On my last visit with the oncologist on Monday, I asked about H1N1 shots once again. This time she had some information. This year for the first time, the clinic will be offering free shots to the cancer patients.

Her first statement to me was that H1N1 could kill me. I was a bit shocked at what she said ... like I thought; did she really just say that to me? It was a bit of a reality check.

We then discussed the H1N1 shot. How the shot works ... a person needs 10 days for the vaccine to become effective. In my particular situation, because I’m on chemo, I can only get the shot after my blood work shows I’ve recovered from the last chemo treatment.

The big issue is that there isn’t 10 days between the blood work and the next chemo treatment. I get the blood work one day and chemo the next. If I get the shot and chemo the next day, the H1N1 vaccination is destroyed in my body by the chemo. It would not have time to immunize me properly and therefore making the vaccination ineffective.

My doctor does not recommend I delay chemo for the H1N1 flu shot because of the risk of my cancer growing. I was on the fence about getting the H1N1 shot and leaning to not getting it … so I guess that solves my problem … no flu shots for me.

Chemo Today

I just got back from my chemo treatment and to be honest I feel pretty good ... just a bit weaker. Things went really well. I was in a room with two other beds. One person slept through his treatment but the lady next door and I chatted a bit. She was diagnosed at the age of 49 with leukemia. That was 30 years ago. She seemed pretty spunky as she was in Vegas just a couple of months ago. More recently she has needed regular blood transfusions which is why she was there today.

Instead of watching movies on my portable DVD player, I read magazines given to me by some friends. After I was done with them, I left them at the clinic for someone else to enjoy.

Well I still have some reading to do for my class tonight so I best get after it. I had far too much fun reading my gossip mags instead of my school stuff.

Blood Work/Oncologist Visit

My blood work looks good so I am good to go for chemo tomorrow. My weight is down a bit ... I’m at 70.6 kilos (155 lbs). I think I’m down about four lbs from last time. I notice that my weight varies quite a bit though. The oncologist asked if I was trying to lose weight or it was just happening. I said I am trying a bit because I want to feel better and I’d sure like to get into a few more of my clothes.

I mentioned to the doctor that my lower back and legs feel weaker but over all my other symptoms seem to be improving ever so slowly. Tomorrow will be my 20th Taxotere treatment. My doctor said that is really good. If the Taxotere symptoms i.e. the fatigue gets to be too much for me, our plan would be to stop the Taxotere completely as I am at the minimum effective amount already.

When I started chemo in August 2008 I also signed up for a study. It’s a double blind study with 2/3 of the participants getting the study drug and 1/3 not getting it. Because I have many of its symptoms, I feel I am getting the drug.

So back to my chemo regime ... if we decide to stop the Taxotere, I could potentially continue on with the study drug only or maybe try some anti-estrogen therapy as my cancer is estrogen-receptor-positive or we could try some other treatment (chemotherapy or study drugs). I guess the message here is that there are options and when we have to we will decide what is best for me.

I think the oncologist and nurses are quite impressed with my overall condition, especially with me taking an evening course at the college.

I’ll let you in on a secret ... for two weeks of the three week cycle, I’m thinking to myself, alright I cannot do this any longer, the next time I see the oncologist, I’m going to ask to have my chemo cut back ... but then I have a few good days just before my next treatment and my attitude shifts to one where ... OK I can do one more cycle and then we’ll cut it back.

A Day Of Fun And Gifts

Yesterday was a quiet day. My mother and sister dropped by and brought some breakfast over. Very nice!! They had called prior to coming and asked if we wanted to go out but we had still been sleeping so we said no thanks. These days it takes me a good half hour and a strong coffee to shake the morning fog out of my head so that I can get moving. My mother had also brought over three different hats that I can wear. They will definitely come in handy with the cooler weather coming.

Later on, we went to visit our friends B and D. We had a nice visit looking at their wedding pictures from 1979. Everyone looked so young in the pictures ... where did the time go? We ended up spending the evening reminiscing, talking and snacking. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. And I walked out with a few Avon treasures ... how fun is that ... thanks D.

At about 11:00 pm, we’d been visiting for about 4 hours when my energy level hit the wall. I needed to go home or ... I said I’d be sleeping on their couch that night. I was fading fast so we headed home.

Today we’re off for lunch to my sister A’s and her husband’s place. We’re really looking forward to that. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them.

This week I spent a lot of time out and about visiting ... and it felt really good.

Next week is chemo and well, I don’t need to say much more than that.

How Fatigue Affects Me

I’ve often said that I have no strength in my legs for standing or walking. Well, today I wanted to share a few of the other ways constant fatigue shows itself in my every day activities.

Household chores such as washing floors, folding laundry, cooking, scrubbing pans, etc have become more than difficult. I have to constantly sit and rest while doing anything at all and to be honest ... I don’t do much house work anymore. Anything that requires physical effort just isn’t fun in the least.

Eating certain foods is difficult if not impossible. My jaw seems have no strength to bite down on some foods. For example; I have difficulty eating apples, fresh vegetables/salads ... raw carrots are out of the question. Sandwiches such as bacon and tomato or turkey or any type where the food is tough or chewy are difficult for me to bite through. So I usually avoid them.

Things like wraps are great for me because the food is already all chopped up. Last Wednesday when I went out for supper, I ordered Shepherd’s Pie which is ground beef with mashed potatoes. It was very easy to eat but I did experience something unusual for the first time. I had difficulty lifting the fork up to my mouth. Not sure if the outdoor table setup was an odd height or because it was an extra warm evening ... but my hand actually started shaking as I brought the fork to my mouth. I was so weak in my arms that evening.

Driving has become a bit of a challenge. Some days it feels like my car has standard steering instead of power. It actually takes effort to turn the steering wheel to turn a corner.

Brushing my teeth had become a real chore. But thankfully, my dentist gave me an electric toothbrush which cuts the effort by at least half. I now sit on the edge of the tub and let the toothbrush do all the work.

Applying make-up is no longer pleasurable. It requires too much effort so I don’t.

I can hardly believe I’m so weak.

At The Mall

Yesterday we stopped at the mall for coffee and a cinnamon bun. Good stuff!

Whenever I go out now, I’ve been wearing a hat instead of my wig. It feels so much more comfortable. People don’t really stare but I do think they look at me a split second longer at first. I’m kind of thinking to myself ... what took me so long?

We then headed to Sears to look at dishwashers and treadmills. I brought my Zuca bag along so whenever I got tired; I could just sit down on it. Like when the salesman was giving us the dishwasher spiel, I sat down at this dishwasher and then moved to another as he was talking. Easy breezy.

Out For Lunch, Out For Supper

Being my good week, I try and book up visits with friends. Yesterday afternoon was our regular Breast Cancer support group coffee get-together. There were only a couple of us as two ladies where suffering from the flu and others were busy with other appointments and stuff. So S and I had a nice chat one on one.

I came home for a couple of hours and then headed off for supper to “Vi’s For Pies” with some fellow co-workers from a previous job. We sat outside on the patio because the temperature was still close to 30C (86F). It was a bit warm for me at first but after drinking a couple of glasses of cold water and iced tea ... I cooled myself down a bit. There was a water fountain not far away and trees and flowers decorating the patio that added to the atmosphere. It was nice to catch up on all the news and especially to talk about something else other than cancer. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make conversation but with all the surfing and television I watch, I had no trouble at all.

When I came home, I mentioned to D that I had a lot to eat that day and I was happy about that. It had been a very good day.

Handrails Are Too Skinny

Yesterday I went to the clinic for my weekly PICC line dressing change. The chemo room was busy as ever and the nurse said, “Could you come back in about 10 minutes and take your time?” I said, “No problem, I need to go downstairs to physiotherapy anyway.” I needed to return the borrowed lymphedema sleeve as I had purchased my own a week ago.

On my way back, I was getting a bit tired and decided to use the handrailing that was mounted on the wall. Well as I slide my hand along the railing ... wack ... my fingers hit the mounting brackets. The handrails are too skinny and my fingers hit the brackets. Normally, this would be no big deal but this was one of my chemo fingers where the nail bed is lifting. Ouch!! It’s a bit sore today ... thank goodness it didn’t rip off.

So to all you handrail engineer reading this blog ... handrails must be fat like on escalators and not skinny ... otherwise, you wack your fingers on the brackets when you slide your hand along the railing.

There I feel better.

Ice Berg Feet

After sitting here with my coffee for a while, I decided to get dressed and put socks on, my feet are so cold right now. Chemo has given a whole new meaning to cold feet. D can attest to that ... they are definitely ice bergs.

That’s it for now ...

Settling Down

Had a quiet weekend ... blogged, read and relaxed. I went out for breakfast Sunday with my sister and mother. Coffee is becoming enjoyable again; this will be the week I OD on coffee.

Emotionally things are settling down a bit. I’m not as agitated and angry as I was last week. Sleep wise, I had a few intense dreams last night and woke myself up with this oddest sound that came out of my mouth. When I talked to my husband about it, he said it woke him up too and sounded like ‘metal’ clanging. I have these odd sounds that come out of me in the middle of the night ... it’s kind of bizarre.

I’m really hoping to feel good this week because it gives me the momentum I need to go into chemo next week.

This And That

The other day we found a card from our neighbor in the mail box. Inside it said something to the effect ... if there was anything they could do to help. Yesterday, she dropped by with a Saskatoon pie and again reiterating that they would be willing to drive me to appointments if necessary. How nice is that?

Well it didn’t take long for me to open up that pie. I’m still struggling with my taste buds but you know with a little ice cream, I thoroughly enjoyed my piece ... and D his. It’s been a while since I’ve had Saskatoon anything. I grew up on a farm and back then my mom did a lot of canning. That was one fruit that was free and plentiful as the berries grew wild. There was never a shortage of canned Saskatoon. It brought back memories of the old days.

This week, emotionally I’ve been feeling very grumpy. Not sure what that is all about. I may have to give myself a good swift kick in the ass. I think some of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I’ve had a sinus headache for most of the week. In the mornings, I wake up and sit in a chair in the living room staring at the wall for about 20 minutes just to drain some of the fog out of my head. Usually after a coffee, I’ll start feeling better; I think it’s because hot fluids loosen up some the stuffiness. I’ve been taking Benadryl thinking its environmental allergies but it doesn’t really do much. I do feel a bit better as the day goes by.

Government Of Canada Issues Guidance On H1N1 Influenza Vaccine Sequencing

Canada released new guidelines on who should be first in line for H1N1 pandemic flu vaccines.

As taken from the Public Health Agency of Canada website ...

The guidance identifies groups and individuals that will benefit most from immunization, and those who care for them. These include:

• people with chronic medical conditions under the age of 65;
• pregnant women;
• children six months to under five years of age;
• people living in remote and isolated settings or communities;
• health care workers involved in pandemic response or who deliver essential health services;
• household contacts and caregivers of individuals who are at high risk, and who cannot be immunized (such as infants under six months of age or people with weakened immune systems); and
• populations otherwise identified as high risk.
  

Personally, I’ve never had a flu shot of any kind, so now comes the decision … to immunize or not?

Shout Out To Stand Up To Cancer

Taken from their Wikipedia Page:

Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C) is a charitable program of the Entertainment Industry Foundation (EIF) established by media, entertainment and philanthropic leaders who have been affected by cancer. SU2C aims to raise significant funds for translational cancer research through online and televised efforts. Central to the program is a telethon that was televised by three major broadcast networks (ABC, NBC, CBS) in over 170 countries on September 5, 2008. SU2C made over $100 million after that evenings broadcast.

Please visit standup2cancer.org.

Food Just Ain't Fun Anymore

Yesterday was an alright day ... I stopped at the clinic for my weekly PICC line dressing change. The place was busy as ever. I stopped at the cafeteria to pick up a couple of cinnamon buns to take home for D and myself. They are usually pretty good but because my taste buds are off, I not only didn't enjoy it but my stomach felt overloaded afterwards.

Food has been a great friend of mine. I have always loved to eat and it has always given me a real satisfying feeling. Pre-cancer, first thing in the morning, I used to jump out of bed and have something to eat. That was priority. I used to always looked forward to the next meal. That is no longer the case. Now it seems I eat because my stomach says I’m hunger.

This being week two of the cycle which for me is the worst as far as taste buds go and stomach issues go. My eating regiment has included a fruit or some yogurt for breakfast and usually I go out for a simple sandwich. I really have to think about what I want to eat because sometimes I'll get something and it just tastes bad to me. Something as simple as bread can taste bad in my mouth. My favs at home are strawberry yogurt, cottage cheese and bananas. Coffee is awful right now. I just can’t really stomach much of anything in the fridge. It just turns me off.

I also find that my stomach tends to be highly reactive to what I eat. If my stomach doesn’t like it ... it just goes right through me.

These days ... food doesn’t give me the satisfying feeling it once did ... which kind of sucks.

At School Last Night....

At last night`s class we were to hand in a questionnaire the instructor had given out the previous week. The questionnaire included things like ... if we were part-time students or full-time students, if we worked in our field and so on. The last question was ...’is there anything I should know about that may be a challenge to your learning?’ I pondered this question a long time. I so did not want to play the cancer card. I wanted to complete school without getting any possible preferential treatment.

As I was considering my decision, I thought ... if this was a class where I could hide in a corner, I probably wouldn’t consider sharing the fact that I was under active treatment but this class is very interactive. I will be required to do presentations in front of the group and that scares me a bit. I wasn`t sure I could do it all without appearing a bit odd.

My decision was to tell her, the instructor, that I am receiving chemotherapy for cancer. I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Not A Good Day

I’m still trying to recover from the effects of the chemo. The fatigue really makes me feel frustrated, agitated and full of negative emotions. Sometimes I rely on the Ativan to calm myself for the night time sleep but it makes me so groggy during the day that I don’t really like to take it either ... it’s a tricky balancing act.

Already feeling a bit down and depressed I watched the news last night only to find out that Patrick Swayze died from his cancer. Then shortly after that they announced a local lady who had been in the news quite a bit also died from her cancer. Then blogging in the evening I read one of my fellow cancer bloggers died. I was definitely worked up and I ended up having a rough sleep.

I’m usually pretty strong but yesterday was a tough day.

It's Better

The weekend was spent getting over last week’s chemo treatment. It was not a nice weekend.

Today as we start a new week things are improving ... the worst of the side effects are over and ... I just woke up from a two and half hour mid-morning nap. I thought I’d do some reading and poof ... I was out.

Once again it’s a beautiful day out here and my goal is to get out and enjoy it ... even if it’s just for a cup of coffee or to take care of an errand.

Sunday Inspiration

Sporting A Hat

I’ve been complaining about my wig for quite a while. It’s itchy and annoying. Well on Wednesday when I was getting my chemo, I was just fed up with it ... it kept shifting on my head and getting messed up. By the time I left I was so grumpy that I decided to stop at the store at the clinic and buy me a hat.

Thursday I went out and about taking care of some errands and stuff and guess what ... I wore the hat instead of a wig. I felt so liberated and comfortable. I will continue to wear that wig on certain occasions but people don’t be surprised if you see me sporting a hat more often.

Back Pack On Wheels

Last week I mentioned I was looking for a back pack on wheels to help me get around school with my books and laptop ... well my sister O came up with a wonderful solution. She found a Zuca Sport bag and purchased it for me. This is quite a unique bag because not only can you haul stuff around but you can actually sit on it. So for me that is just perfect ... it goes with me everywhere. I can now go shopping without worrying about looking for a chair because when I feel weak in my legs, I just sit down on my Zuca for a few minutes. I have gotten rid of my purse and just pack a wallet in it so I’m literally hands free. It weighs just 9 lbs empty so is quite easy to maneuver if I don’t overfill it.

When I’m out and about with it, I do get a few looks but mostly because it is unique looking and people are interested in it. I showed it to the physiotherapist on Wednesday and she was quite impressed with it.

For more details about the Zuca bags see zuca.com.

I want to thank my sister O for this thoughtful gift. I just think it’s the cat’s meow.

Yesterday Was A Busy Day

Yesterday I started the day with a physiotherapy appointment at the Cross Cancer Clinic, the same day as my chemo. I remember making the appointment five weeks earlier saying make it a Wednesday because Tuesday I usually have chemo. Well it turned out I had chemo on Wednesday this time because Monday was a vacation day ... go figure.

The physiotherapist measured my lymphedema arm and said it was 10% smaller than that last appointment. This was quite an improvement but I have to mention that five weeks ago was week two of the cycle where my body was retaining the most fluid. Yesterday was just before chemo which meant the least amount of fluid retention ... we both agreed it has to do with fluid retention and is affected by my treatment.

She asked if I wore the sleeve everyday and whether there was any irritation caused by the sleeve. I told her that yes I wore it daily and it was not causing me any grief. The only issue we found is that fluid is collecting in my hand as the glove and the sleeve where causing a double compression at the wrist and wasn’t allowing the fluid to flow away. The physiotherapist has arranged for me to go to a medical supply store to get a custom glove that flares at the wrist and a similar sleeve to what was borrowed to me through the clinic.

If I remember it right, I am to come back and see the physiotherapist every four months for a couple of years and then once a year after that. She also recommended I replace the glove and sleeve every six months.

Regarding chemo ... my appointment was just before noon and went on for just short of four hours which made for a pretty long day. It was so busy in the chemo room that people where having their chemo started in the wait chairs and when a proper recliner chair or bed was available, they would get moved. Wow, there were people everywhere getting chemo. I was really lucky and got a bed right away.

I came home feeling tired and decided to take it easy for the remainder of the day.

Chemo Today

I just got back from chemo and feel pretty good except for being a bit tired. It's been a long day ... so will make this a short post with more details tomorrow.

This And That

This past weekend we were away visiting family in Southern Alberta. The drive was enjoyable and the scenery beautiful as always. It was great to see everyone. We had a nice relaxing visit and before you knew it ... it was time to go back home.

In preparation of my chemo tomorrow, this morning I had to make a quick stop at the clinic to have my blood pressure and temperature taken. The blood work and oncologist visit from last week meant I could skip it today.

Tonight is the first day of school for me. I must admit I’m a bit excited. I like it because it keeps my mind busy and worrying about school stuff instead of cancer stuff.

I’m also excited because as far as television goes, this week a new season starts. I’m a bit tired of watching reruns. As a matter of fact, as I’m writing this post; I’m watching the first show of the Fall season of the View. I kind of like those spunky ladies and their Hot Topics.

Shout Out To N.E.D.

Here is a portion of the email I received that describes what N.E.D. is all about:

I thought you’d be interested to know about a new rock band with a purpose: N.E.D. The group is comprised of six musically talented gynecologic cancer surgeons hailing from all four corners of the U.S. (N.E.D. is an acronym for "No Evidence of Disease"- a phrase that every gynecologic oncologist hopes to tell a patient after undergoing cancer treatment.) The band's mission is to enhance knowledge about women's reproductive cancers, bring hope through rhythm for women undergoing treatment, and raise awareness & money for the fight against the disease.

One of the ways they will be doing this is through their six-song EP with styles ranging from indie rock, to arena rock, to jam/band to folk-rock. Net proceeds from the sale of the CD will be donated to the N.E.D. Cancer Foundation in association with the Gynecologic Cancer Foundation (GCF) to educate the public about gynecologic cancers and support promising research. Both the physical and digital EP include an informational booklet about gynecologic cancers entitled, “What Every Woman Should Know.”

The album is slated for release on September 8th to coincide with Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month.

Please visit the website: http://www.nedtheband.com/

Recording Your Life History

Have you ever considered writing a book?

I have but had no idea where to start. I know if I was to write a book it would likely reflect my life experiences and especially my cancer experience. One day as I was surfing the net, I came across this bit of information.

It is a guide to Recording Your Life History written by Inova Health System.

I thought it was pretty good and therefore ... thought I would share it with you.

Off To Get My Book For School

Thursday I decided to go to the college and get the book I needed for my course on Tuesday. I drove myself because I wanted to see if I could still walk from the street parking to the college. I ended up finding a parking spot quite close. The college was less than a block away but it is on a slit uphill and the temperature was 33C (91F) which made it very difficult for me. Fortunately there were many concrete seats along the way to stop and rest. I made it into the college and into the book store where I sat down at the couch to cool off and rest. I looked around and noticed many people looking for books but the line-up at the tills was minimal to none. I was real excited about that because I’ve seen those line-ups at 40 or 50 deep.

While sitting at the couch I went through the directory to find out which book I would need for my particular course. I went and found my book and then sat back down at the couch for a quick rest. I looked over at the line-up and noticed not one person was there. I got up and headed straight over and waited for the first till. I was out of there in no time.

On my way back to the car, once again the heat got the best of me and I was just about in tears because I felt so spent. My mind became flooded with negative thoughts and I even questioned if I really had the energy to take this course.

Once I got back home and into a cool house I felt better. My thinking started to improve and I thought to myself, there is no way I am not going to take this course. I can do this. I will do this.

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

I copied this from the Canadian Cancer Society's website ...

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and the Canadian Cancer Society encourages women to take an active role in learning more about this type of cancer.

What is ovarian cancer?
Ovarian cancer starts in the cells of the ovary or ovaries. The ovaries are 2 small, oval-shaped organs that lie deep in the pelvis on either side of the uterus (womb), close to the end of the Fallopian tubes. The ovaries are part of the female reproductive system.

Symptoms of ovarian cancer.
Ovarian cancer in its early stages often does not cause any symptoms at all. If there are symptoms, they are usually vague or very mild. Possible symptoms include pressure of pain in the abdomen (lower stomach area), pelvis, back or legs. You may notice a swelling of the abdomen caused by a buildup of fluid or have digestive problems such as nausea, gas bloating or indigestion.

Less common symptoms may include unusual vaginal bleeding, shortness of breath or fatigue. There could also be changes to your bowel habits, such as constipation or diarrhea, or changes to your bladder habits, such as needing to pass urine more often.

Often, these symptoms are caused by other less serious health problems, not cancer. Testing is needed to make a diagnosis.

Canadian Cancer Society's website ...

Got My Wheels Back

Yesterday D dropped me off at the dealership so that I could pick my car up. After paying for the work I went out and started the car. I opened all the windows to let some of the heat out. I thought I smelt something burning. It was nice to drive home but as I parked the car in the garage I once again smelt something burning. I decided to back the car out onto the driveway. D came home and took it for a drive ... there was no more smell. Looks like it must have been some oil on the hot exhaust. Sounds like I know what I’m talking about ... not ... D said that is what it probably was.

While I drove home from the dealership, D went and got a burger and a shake from Burger Baron. He came back home and we sat outside on the patio in 30C (86F) and ate.

I was quite anxious to go for another drive, so I went to Sears to see if I could find a wheeled backpack. I remembered luggage and backpacks to be on the main floor right inside the doors ... well that must have been a while ago as they weren’t there. I don’t have the energy anymore to look for stuff so I just left. I then drove to another mall as I once again remembered there was a luggage store in a particular spot ... well I just kept driving as the mall and parking lot is under construction and everythings a mess.

It is a good thing I don’t consume much because I can’t really shop for anything anymore. I would have to get a walker or scooter and I’m not ready for that. Not sure if I will ever be.

The Truck Ride

Yesterday we dropped my car off at the dealership for maintenance. D’s vehicle is a ¾ ton truck and can I tell you ... it felt like the seat was a mile off the ground. When we first dropped the car off, I was just able to hoist myself up into the passenger seat ... those grab handles came in handy.

We then headed over to Office Depot to look at backpacks with wheels for school. I’m finding I don’t have the strength to carry school books and laptop. In front of the store and in front of everybody, I couldn’t get into the truck. I had worn myself out walking through the store. D had to get out of the truck, come around the passenger side and boost my butt up into the seat ... not a pretty sight.

On the way home we then stopped for a nice supper at Moxie’s Restaurant where we sat on the patio. It occurred to me that D parked too close to the front of the restaurant and I would be embarrassed getting in the truck in front of all these people. Our plan was for D to drive a couple of parking rows down away from the front of the restaurant and use the truck as a shield and get in on the opposite side. Again, another boost was required to get me in.

Did I mention I’ll be glad when I get my car back today?

Quiet Day

I had an excellent sleep last night. Tho I did wake up with a sore left shoulder this morning ... oh yes ... that tetanus shot. No biggie.

Today is just a quiet day watching TV and spending time on the computer. I thought I’d share a YouTube video that has been around for a while but is always inspiring to watch. Hope you enjoy it!