Sharing Some Bad News

I guess we’ll just cut to the chase … the Trials nurse walks in and says … oh your face … I said it’s yellow … then she looks at my belly … oh it’s bigger … yes I said, trying to hold back the tears. She proceeded to tell my liver functions numbers were up once again. We looked over the numbers. Ok a tear came down. A little discussion, then I said and how many weeks can I be off Brivanib before I’m kicked off the study? She said four. More tears. Next week is considered my 4th week and there is no possible way those liver function numbers could come down in one week. So I’m off the study, I said … yes, said the nurse.

We spent some time talking as she tried to console me. I asked how long do I have … she said the Onc would come in to talk to me about that. My mind was racing now, how am I’m going to tell D, my family.

Then the Onc came me. First he said the CT scan was really good. The tumors on the liver are smaller and looking great. But the liver function numbers are not great. He said, I’m thinking the reason your liver function numbers are up is because you may have a plugged bile duct in and around your liver. And your coughing is likely because you have a swollen belly which is putting pressure on your lungs which already have fluid around your lungs and are making you cough.

So what is the plan … drain the fluid around the lungs, drain fluid from the abdomen and try and find a plugged bile duct and then unplug it.

In the end, I walked out not having much solid information except that tomorrow morning at 8:00am I have to be at the clinic for one of these procedures.

BC Friends and Meals on Wheels

Yesterday was our breast cancer friends coffee group. I have to say, with the weather being so cold, the roads being so slippery and my energy being so low … I didn’t really feel like going. It just seems to be too much of an effort to do much of anything. Finally when D offered to drive me, I realized I couldn’t say no and I’m so glad I didn’t. Conversation wise I wasn’t very chatty but it sure was nice just to see the ladies. A, had made copies of our Christmas Party and Irm brought pictures of her sweet grandchild. Those pictures alone helped brighten the day.

After about an hour and half I decided that was enough of an outing for me so I called D to come pick me up. On our way home, we stopped at Meals and Wheels for a few different frozen samples. I’ve never tried them before but was desperate for a change in food. I am so done with takeout, packaged food, canned food … white rice, white bread, bananas and so on.

I ended up opening a packaged dinner for last night … it was a bit bland but maybe that is exactly what my stomach needs right now. The food went down real well with no digestive issues, however, I ended up get up numerous times for washroom breaks. I have to keep reminding myself … SMALL PORTIONS ONLY!!

CT Scan Part 2

Ok so I’m the last person to be called in for me CT scan and the only thoughts on my mind were don’t throw up, don’t lose controls of your bowel and don’t cough during the scan itself.

One of the technicians can in and started some small talk and said something like just go lay down on that scanner bed. I wasn’t feeling very strong and balanced so I just sat down waiting for someone to help me lay back. I had visions of landing on the floor.

She helped lay me down and then went over about the 20 or so questions … could you move your head higher, would you move your hips to the left, have you had this test before, did you have any reactions and so on. Fortunately, I was quite familiar with the procedure so I only listened to the odd word here and there.

My only concern was to stay calm and not have any mishaps, and my biggest worry at that moment was my coughing. So I mentioned to her, that I had this coughing problem … oh no you can’t cough during the CT scan … ya I kinda figured that. She gave me some helpful advice  ... when we tell you to breathe in, just take a shallow breath.

So how the CT scan generally goes … someone will say you to you … ok, now take a deep breath and hold it … seven seconds later, they say, ok breathe normally. They do these four times while the big circular tube goes around you. This test is about ten minutes and at mid point they inject you with some sort of contrast media. I took the techs advice and it seemed to be fine.

Finally, I’m done … it’s off to the change room to change into my street clothes. I was half way pulling up my pants when I got this serious urge to go to the washroom. I grabbed my purse and ran for the toilet … sure enough another serious bout of diarrhea. I finished dressing and phoned D to pick me up. I asked him to put and old blanket on the passenger’s seat of the car just in case I had an accidental bm on the way home.

Fortunately, no accidents in the car …. But my diarrhea did continue into the night and then most of the next day.

CT Scan

Yesterday I had my CT scan. I was feeling a bit weak and nervous. My stomach was feeling bloated and I was worried I would not be able to drink the two liters of the contrast cocktail they wanted me to.

Well no sooner did I fill out the paper work, and change into a gown … my name was called. The next order of business was to get an IV. Two nurses and three pokes later, success! Off to the waiting room with my two liters of contrast cocktail. I had 45 minutes to drink it.

The place was pretty full so I got a chance to talk to a couple of fellow cancer patients. A young man and his wife were sitting there and were noticing everyone was getting warm blankets from the heater. It didn’t take long for them to figure that out, so as the wife get’s him a blanket, I said … a person sure does get cold after drinking that cocktail. He said you know I used to always be warm until I had my surgery and now I’m always cold … interesting I thought.

Anyways, as time went on, I continued to drink and drink and drink. The fluid felt like it was just sitting in my belly and not moving through the system. I kept looking at the garbage can beside me thinking that might be where these drinks were going to end up.

I was now an hour and half hour later and I was the last patient waiting for a scan. There was one other patient who needed some medical attention on a leaky surgery site. The nurses took her into another room to help her out.

While this was happening, I thought, well I’d better go to the washroom one more time hoping to empty my bladder and relieve some of the pressure to my abdomen. Well thank goodness I did go to the biffy because I ended up having a serious bout of diarrhea. As I came out of the washroom, I once again ran into the lady that needed the dressing changed.

She comes by, cane and all and says, have a nice day … in a very cheery upbeat voice. I said same to you. She noticed my cough and said is that a cold or cancer related. Cancer related. Oh she said that coughing sure can be sore on the ribs. I said it sure is. After a bit more chit chat … her last words to me were …

All the best to you and keep your head up high.

My Coughing

I wanted to share with you how my coughing has been going. D says I’m coughing nowhere near what I used to.

It may be because I spent the last two days in bed just lounging in my pjs and that may have kept my coughing down. It was a very restful time and I loved every minute of it.

However, I did notice a couple of new coughing triggers this weekend that I’d like to share with you. First the hot moist air in the shower made it hard for me to breathe, so much so it forces me to stick my head out behind the shower curtain to get some cool dry air. I did that a couple, three times during the shower.

I had another situation of where high humid in the air was causing problems for me … D was cooking spaghetti for supper. I came to have a look at it and started coughing uncontrollably. I left the room and went back to the bedroom and laid down to relax and calm myself. That is the first time that humidity from cooking has done that to me.

And finally, I’ve mentioned this before … any shift in position of my body in bed will cause coughing. There must be something in or around my lungs that shifts when I move. So to try and minimize it I sleep on my back for as much of the night as I can with the hope I don’t stir things up.

Fear of BC Recurrence~Video

Here is a five minute video where Dr Anne Moore, a leading breast oncologist, shares important information to help breast cancer survivors cope with the fear of recurrence.

Dr. Anne Moore, is Professor of Clinical Medicine at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University and is Attending Physician at The New York Presbyterian Hospital where she chairs the Breast Cancer Committee.

How to cope with fear of breast cancer recurrence

Heart Test and Bone Scan

Yesterday was a bit of a long day at the clinic. I got there for an 11 am appointment … my Echo-cardiogram. Basically, the technician spends most of her time doing an ultra sound of my heart, taking pictures and recording this and that. Here and there she would ask me some general questions about my heart history … Have I had any heart problems? Experienced any fluid around my heart? Have I ever been on high bp medication? Experienced any shortness of breath? The appointment was a good 45 minutes.

I thought I’d share this three minute video of an Echo-cardiogram with you.

My next appointment was a bone scan. First order of business was to have the contrast injected into my vein. Two nurses and two attempts later, we found a good vein … success I was starting to light up on the inside. It takes a good hour and 45 for the contrast to circulate through the body so the technician said to come back almost two hours … and oh yes, she said, try and drink lots of coffee or whatever so that you can pee twice before then. Argg I go … I have so much trouble putting down fluids. I said I’d do my best.

Since I only had one tablespoon of oatmeal that morning, I thought I’d go to the cafeteria and picked up a fresh salad with some grilled chicken pieces and a small juice. I could barely finish it before indigestion set in. The best I could do was one pee.

I came back for my bone scan and a half hour later I was all done.

It was 3:30 and I was anxious to call D. I was so ready to go home and put my feet up.

More Waiting Required

Well my appointment with the Trials Nurse and Onc was not as I had hoped. Not only had my liver functions numbers gone up again but they doubled since last week. All the nurse could say is that we’d have to wait and see. So no Brivanib this week.

Still in a bit of shock I asked the nurse what we could do about my cough saying that maybe an inhaler was in order. She said she’d ask the Onc. A short time later, she walked back in with a prescription for an inhaler. Two seconds later, the Onc walks in and checks my breathing, taps my back for fluid levels around my lungs and then said he was going to send me for a chest x-ray immediately. Maybe a chest x-ray would give us some ideas as to what the problem is. Both the nurse and the Onc left.

A couple minutes later, the nurse comes back in with a list of my regularly scheduled scans and tests. Tomorrow I have heart tests plus a bone scan. Monday the 10th I have a CT scan and Thursday the 13th I have blood work and see the Onc to go over the results. The nurse then said I should go have a seat in the waiting room and she’ll get a requisition for a chest x-ray.

A few minutes later, I was on my way to X-ray. I changed into a gown and within five minutes my x-rays were done.

I gave D a call to pick me up … his first question was … well how are things? I gave him the news about the blood work. Darn it, he says. Then he asks if the Onc commented on whether the coughing was due to the fluid around my lungs. I said, no and in fact very little was said about anything. Oh, he goes … my thoughts exactly.

Off To See The Onc

Today I’m off to the clinic for blood work and to see the Onc. I’m sure hoping my liver function is better so that I can go back on Brivanib. 

Last night I prepared my list of items I wanted to talk to the Trials Nurse and the Onc about.

Firstly I want to talk to them about this awful coughing I’ve had for the past week or so. I have to find a solution. It’s exhausting and I just want to cry when I think about it. The mornings start out pretty good but somewhere around the late afternoon I start coughing and it only worsens into the night. Phone calls can be especially difficult … I become short of breathe and cough like crazy.

Secondly, I wanted to talk to the Onc about my bp medication. Last week his orders were to keep reducing my bp meds until I got a top number of at least 95. I’m not sure that meant stopping the meds completely tho … but I did. My bp this morning was 106/75 and being that my bp monitor is about 5 points higher than the clinics, I figure it’s pretty close.

The third item that’s been bugging me for quite some time now but I haven’t mentioned is … since about spring, every few months or so I gain about an inch on my waist … it seems to be expanding. I've always thought it was swelling from the cancer but since I’ve been on Brivanib and the tumors are shrinking  I was hoping my belly would too … not.